idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
