and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
