Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
