i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
