I want to make a zoo with you.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
