How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
too bad you live with your parents still
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
