i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
