The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
