My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
