i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
