He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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