Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
