I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
