I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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