i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
