Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
As shirtless as possible
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
