Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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