i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
