So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
