Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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