That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
