you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
