I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sponge bath it is.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
