so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
