When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
sarcasm needs its own font
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
