Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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