it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
God, I missed his penis.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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