At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
