i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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