you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
