captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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