I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
