you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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