at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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