So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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