I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
