once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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