I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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