I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
