this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
