I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
