when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
