UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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