I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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