Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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