rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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