my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
