your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
