3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Everything about him screamed your future.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found puke in my bra..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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