remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
