i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
