I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
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