my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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