wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
