I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
